Only 5 More Minutes...

7:55pm - THE CRY BEGINS

Lex starts to wail. He is hungry. It is 5 minutes until his scheduled feeding time. 5 minutes...that's it.

Now, you may be thinking, "Geesh, Dallas, it's only 5 minutes - just feed the poor kid." JUST GO WITH ME ON THIS ONE, FOLKS.

(((And --- Let me just say: this boy's feeding schedule is quite impressive. After a week in the NICU with the nurses, Lex is feeding every 3 hours like a machine. As a matter of fact, the other day, I jokingly told Meg, "we should leave all of our children with the nurses at the hospital for a week. Those ladies sure got that kid on a schedule.")))

So, in the interest of keeping him on schedule, I held him in my arms, counting down the elongated minutes until 8pm.

7:56pm - THE PAIN CONTINUES

Lex takes a deep breath... respite?... no... After the inhalation, his cries continue (and intensify).

Meg finishes typing an email in the next room as I hold our wailing son in my arms. I'm doing my best to soothe his cries, but to no avail.

7:57pm - THE CRY OF HOPELESSNESS

Exhausted from the last two minutes of sobbing, Lex cannot decide if he should continue struggling or give in to the utter hopelessness he feels.

No one is coming to rescue him. His parents have abandoned him. He struggles, but which is worse: his hunger or his despondency?

7:58pm - THE CRY OF BETRAYAL

Lex, still in my arms, screams in pain. No one in the history of the world has ever known this kind of despair and hurt.

His senses heightened, Lex becomes aware of his surroundings. In that moment, he looks up into my eyes. We connect. I can almost see him think, "this man hovering over me could make the pain all go away in an instant. Why won't he just hear my cry?!"

His mourning is mixed with anger. "Why won't he just rescue me?"

7:59pm - ALL IS LOST

Lex gives up. The pain - too much. The hopelessness - too deep. The betrayal - too great.

Exhausted from his struggles, his lamentations turn to a whimper. He resolves himself to defeat. Lying there in my arms, Lex has finally given over to his fate.

8:00pm - THE APPOINTED TIME

Meg enters the room. However, at this point, Lex is totally unaware of her movement toward him. He is forlorn and broken. We have forsaken him.

In that instant, she takes him into her arms and gives him his much needed sustenance.

Finally! His rescue has come...
Never too early. Never too early... Right on time.
=============================
I've learned a tremendous lesson from my son today.

Even while being held in my arms, he was so consumed with his own short-term pain and suffering that he couldn't feel his Father's touch, hear his Father's voice or sense his Father's breath.

Lex's Father was closer than he could imagine, but all he could sense was the overwhelming dread of his current situation. Even through his struggles, his loss of faith, his cries of our betrayal, Meg and I had no intention of bringing him to harm --- we were simply waiting until the appointed time of deliverance.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for the times I focus more on my trials than on your nearness. Your timing is always perfect...
Never too early. Never too early... Right on time.