DDP - Exit Journey Part 01

I am deep in the belly of the dark cave.

The walls of the cavern are slimy and cold.

The air is thick, stale. No movement. No ventilation this far below.

Over the past several weeks I have continued deeper and deeper into this dark place. From levels of self-loathing to self-accusation, from self-hatred to self-detestation. As I descend, each plateau takes me further into the chasm.

The best thing to do would be turn around and go back to the surface, but I cannot. Something is drawing me deeper. I shoulder my backpack, filled with supplies --- my talents, my abilities, my skills --- all the tools God has given me. All the tools I've ever used in my life. I take my backpack, and I journey deeper.

From the surface above, I faintly hear the voices of my friends, my family, my wife. Everyone is calling me to come back to the surface, to reemerge. Some say that they are praying. Others say that they want to journey with me. Yet, this is a journey I must, ultimately, make alone because this is my cave.

I've come here since I was a boy. This is my place of solitude. 

I come here to think, to get away from it all.

This is my place of familiar reclusiveness.

I thought I knew every crevice, every rock face, every level of descent; but I have found new depths that frighten and terrify me. As far as I know, I'm the only one who has ever been in this particular cave. Yet, somehow, these new depths feel haunted, as though I'm not alone.

Something is drawing me further and further down. I ponder, "Is it my soul? My God? What would be drawing me further, and what would there be to see down this far?"

(TO BE CONTINUED...)