The Deep Dark Place (and knowing better)

I often find myself in what Meg and I refer to as my Deep Dark Place (by way of biographical information, I should tell you that I must capitalize the name of the aforementioned Location because said Location demands personification)

The Deep Dark Place (hereafter referred to as DDP) is a pit of self-loathing and self-doubt. DDP is the archenemy of every narcissus --- of which I am one, thank you very much --- and every narcissus reading this knows what I am talking about.

DDP is that crippling, debilitating sense of inner turmoil that gnaws at my every victory and scorns my every defeat. In my highest moments, DDP is there to remind me of my lowest depths. When working to better myself, DDP looks me in the mirror and points out my flaws. DDP is villainous in his pursuit of my every confident thought.

Now, some might say that DDP is just my coping mechanism, nothing more than a healthy sense of humility that should be directed in a more positive and constructive manner; others might add that DDP is a sinful outpouring of my out-of-control ego, easily defeated with a repentant turn. Yet, while both solutions may be inherently true, these cursory dismissals fail to capture the complexity of my soul, the breadth of my humanity.

In short, DDP is the yawning chasm whose hellish teeth are chomping to devour the very essence of who I am.

(This is the darkness in me that my poor wife has to live with, people. Sorry, Meg)

And yet... I know better.

I am a failure, and yet...
I know that I have victory through Christ.
I am a loser, and yet...
I have overcome by the blood of the Lamb.
I hate my reflection in the mirror, and yet...
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I fear losses at every turn, and yet...
I see the Lord's Providence miraculously provide.
I feel aimless in my life, and yet...
I have a destiny.
I feel alone, and yet...
I am surrounded by loving family and friends.
I despise Time and the passing of my life, and yet...
I know that God commands my days.
I am disquieted, and yet... still... always...
I hope in God.

Playing Catch Up (not Ketchup)

Well...it's been a while since I've posted a blog here, and I don't really have a good reason...well, a couple good reasons, but explaining those reasons is not the reason for this blog.

However, I figured I'd play a little catch-up with you.

Since we last spoke:

1. The trailer for my animated movie project, X-Treme Squirrels, is continuing to get traction. If you haven't watched it in a while, I'm going to shamelessly plug it now and ask that you watch it again. (click here to watch). Please feel free to pass the youtube link along to all of your friends. (hint/hint/wink/wink/nudge/nudge/please/please/etc/etc/)

2. My grandfather, Jimmie Lybarger Sr., passed away. We were able to return home for the funeral. Lots of the family got to meet Lex for the first time. Though it was a sad occasion to return home, it was still a great trip. My mother wrote an amazing article for the local newspaper and it is posted on her website, which you can visit here.
Also, while I'm shamelessly plugging family things, you may want to check out my sister Dawn's blog over at Starkacres. She has a tremendous entry up right now entitled, "Someday".

3. Lex is 4 months old ALREADY!!! I can't believe it! Below are some pics of our little man as well as a torturous video of him getting some shots today...HaHa! Meg thinks I'm cruel for posting this --- as I'm sure most of you will as well, and I'll definitely hear about it in your comments. (ROTFL!!!!)

Much Love to you all...

On our way to the Circus!!!

At the Circus watching the clowns w/Mom!

Playing "Airplane" with Mommy

Laughing with Nana while playing Superman!

Look at that face! Honestly, is this not an adorable little kid?!?!?!

And now, for the video of Lex getting his shots...

VIDEO: The TEASER for My Movie

Hey friends, here is the link for the trailer for my movie, X-TREME SQUIRRELS.(click here to watch it)

I wanted to share it with you. We are just at the beginning stages as, now that this video, the script, the website and the pitch packet are put together, I am going to begin pitching this story to Hollywood execs and studios.

I passionately believe in this project, in this story, in this movie, and I can't wait to get it into production.

I would ask that you do 4 things for me, please.

1) Please watch the video. (haha...the more hits and views I get, the better my strategy for going to the studios...and I fully recommend watching the HD version)

2) Please forward it to as many friends as possibe. Here is the direct link that you can copy and paste in your emails: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbBly_P8U8Y

3) Please pray that this be seen by the right people in Hollywood (ie: agents, studio heads, star attachment deals, etc.). I have a prayer list of people that I want to get this in front of, but I don't want to share those names here. However, I just want this to get a good "buzz" going in the community.

4) If you know anyone in the industry (no matter who), please forward this on to them with a "big recommend."

Thanks so much, and enjoy the trailer!
~Dallas

99 Balloons - Eliot's Story

This is one of the saddest, yet most amazing, videos I've ever seen.
What an amazing story --- of love, faith, hope and inspiration.
I hope it touches your heart and stirs your faith!

7 DEADLY SINS & WESTERN CULTURE

I just recently watched this documentary series on the History Channel about the 7 DEADLY SINS. It was creative, enjoyable, and entertaining.

It outlined the history of how the current list of the 7.D.S. came into being and how the list has evolved through the history of the Catholic Church and the last 2 millennium of Christianity. It was quite fascinating!

If you don't remember the list, here it is: (in no particular order)
1. PRIDE
2. WRATH/ANGER
3. ENVY
4. SLOTH
5. LUST
6. GLUTTONY
7. GREED

Anyway, as I was watching this series, I began to think of Western Culture. More specifically, American Culture. I have to be honest when I say that --- AT THIS POINT --- all signs point toward a moral decay in our society, which will, in turn, point to the eventual destruction of our society. This same decay has been seen historically, time and again, with other great cultures as well.

Please allow me to preface this by saying: I am a HUGE fan of the United States, and I love the glorious freedoms afforded to us by our great and matchless Constitution.

However, as Thomas Jefferson once wrote in Query XVIII of his Notes On The State Of Virginia: "God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the Gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever."

Obviously, I am not the first to ponder the fall of the United States from the Pedestal Of Grace on which it has sat these past 200+ years.

I just wonder: which of these 7 Deadlies will lead to our nation's ultimate demise? Will it be one individual sin? Or will it be a combination of many? If so, which will be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back? (does this sound like I'm too much of a Negative Nancy about our Nation???)

Please hear me: I pray that we may not have to endure the fires of judgment. I implore Almighty God that our Nation would turn from it's wickedness and seek the forgiveness and grace offered through Jesus Christ. With that said, I'm not sure that we can continue with at this same pace, with this same hell-bent attitude, without God stepping in and hitting the cultural reset button.

John Adams, our 2nd President, put it perfectly in a letter he wrote to Thomas Jefferson.
He wrote: "Have you ever found in history, one single example of a Nation thoroughly corrupted that was afterwards restored to virtue?... And without virtue, there can be no political liberty... Will you tell me how to prevent riches from becoming the effects of temperance and industry? Will you tell me how to prevent luxury from producing effeminacy, intoxication, extravagance, vice and folly?"

I would love to have you weigh in --- which of the 7 Deadly Sins will be most responsible for the demise of our Nation?

Only 5 More Minutes...

7:55pm - THE CRY BEGINS

Lex starts to wail. He is hungry. It is 5 minutes until his scheduled feeding time. 5 minutes...that's it.

Now, you may be thinking, "Geesh, Dallas, it's only 5 minutes - just feed the poor kid." JUST GO WITH ME ON THIS ONE, FOLKS.

(((And --- Let me just say: this boy's feeding schedule is quite impressive. After a week in the NICU with the nurses, Lex is feeding every 3 hours like a machine. As a matter of fact, the other day, I jokingly told Meg, "we should leave all of our children with the nurses at the hospital for a week. Those ladies sure got that kid on a schedule.")))

So, in the interest of keeping him on schedule, I held him in my arms, counting down the elongated minutes until 8pm.

7:56pm - THE PAIN CONTINUES

Lex takes a deep breath... respite?... no... After the inhalation, his cries continue (and intensify).

Meg finishes typing an email in the next room as I hold our wailing son in my arms. I'm doing my best to soothe his cries, but to no avail.

7:57pm - THE CRY OF HOPELESSNESS

Exhausted from the last two minutes of sobbing, Lex cannot decide if he should continue struggling or give in to the utter hopelessness he feels.

No one is coming to rescue him. His parents have abandoned him. He struggles, but which is worse: his hunger or his despondency?

7:58pm - THE CRY OF BETRAYAL

Lex, still in my arms, screams in pain. No one in the history of the world has ever known this kind of despair and hurt.

His senses heightened, Lex becomes aware of his surroundings. In that moment, he looks up into my eyes. We connect. I can almost see him think, "this man hovering over me could make the pain all go away in an instant. Why won't he just hear my cry?!"

His mourning is mixed with anger. "Why won't he just rescue me?"

7:59pm - ALL IS LOST

Lex gives up. The pain - too much. The hopelessness - too deep. The betrayal - too great.

Exhausted from his struggles, his lamentations turn to a whimper. He resolves himself to defeat. Lying there in my arms, Lex has finally given over to his fate.

8:00pm - THE APPOINTED TIME

Meg enters the room. However, at this point, Lex is totally unaware of her movement toward him. He is forlorn and broken. We have forsaken him.

In that instant, she takes him into her arms and gives him his much needed sustenance.

Finally! His rescue has come...
Never too early. Never too early... Right on time.
=============================
I've learned a tremendous lesson from my son today.

Even while being held in my arms, he was so consumed with his own short-term pain and suffering that he couldn't feel his Father's touch, hear his Father's voice or sense his Father's breath.

Lex's Father was closer than he could imagine, but all he could sense was the overwhelming dread of his current situation. Even through his struggles, his loss of faith, his cries of our betrayal, Meg and I had no intention of bringing him to harm --- we were simply waiting until the appointed time of deliverance.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for the times I focus more on my trials than on your nearness. Your timing is always perfect...
Never too early. Never too early... Right on time.

It All Depends

Alexander Joseph Amsden was born on March 22, 2010 at Providence St. Joseph Hospital in Burbank, California. (I can almost hear the collective "Awww...")

Even with a somewhat challenging first week (A laborsome --- for Dallas, anyway --- 27-hours ending with a C-Section birth complicated by pneumonia that put him in the NICU for a full week), Lex is now home with Meg and me - happy, healthy and no worse for wear. Thanks for your prayers!

When we got home on Monday night, Meg looked at me and shot me the age-old question, "so, what do we do with him now?"

I laughed.

That's it. I didn't have a good answer --- I simply laughed (it's my coping mechanism; all right!)

AND THEN IT HIT ME...

Lex is, for all intents and purposes, my dependent. That's even how the government looks at him. On tax forms, he is listed as my "dependent."

He depends on me. Depends. Someone else depends on me --- for food, shelter, warmth, clothing, etc., etc. --- Aaaahhh!

I am the least dependent person I know. I'm pretty sure my wife Meg doesn't even depend on me! I've never heard her say to anyone, "my husband, Dallas - he's so dependable."

And I know I don't depend on myself. This isn't even a question of being independent --- this is an issue of being nondependent.

Even without a child, when I was predependent, I was nondependent. Now, I have a dependent, and I feel more undependent than ever.

How can a nondependent sufficiently provide for an overdependent? And, it's not like he is selfdependent, codependent or even quasidependent --- those are dependencies I can depend on!

How will this situation turn out? --- I guess it all depends...

Fatherhood And Professional Wrestling

Alexander Joseph is due on the 20th of March, meaning he could show up any time now. Meg and I have prepared as best we can for Lex's arrival. The nursery is set up, the car seat is in place, and the diapers await his appearing. It could be any day now (though both of our mothers would like him to wait until they arrive).

Now, I should say, by way of biographical information, that I am a life-long fan of professional wrestling. Ever since I was a little boy, I have loved pro wrestling. Yes, I know that many would argue that wrestling is "fake", but I would argue a different point: even though the matches and winners are predetermined, pro wrestling, known as sports entertainment, is a valid form of athletic theatrics.

Plus, as I always say to the Debbie-Downers out there, let a 6'10" man pick you up and throw you down on a canvas-and-plywood-covered trampoline, and see if you don't feel it a little bit. These men are stunt performers - athletic actors if you will - and they perform death-defying maneuvers on a daily basis all for the enjoyment of the rabid fan base (myself included). I've said it before, and I will say it again: pro wrestling is, indeed, very real.

Well, what does that have to do with the birth of Lex???
Good question...

Nothing.

Other than this: I have a quandary. My wife is convinced that she does not want me passing on this love of the squared circle to my son.

Yet, there's just one problem - Lex is due on the 20th of March, and WRESTLEMANIA XXVI is on the 28th!!!

Sorry, Meg, but I have a very real feeling that our son, who may be only a week old by this point, will be in his father's arms watching the biggest wrestling event of the year.

Lex will, undoubtedly, feel my heartbeat quicken during the Shawn Michaels-VS-The Undertaker main event. HBK is putting his career on the line against The Undertaker's 17-0 Wrestlemania win streak. This promises to be one of the greatest main events in wrestling history, second only (maybe) to when the Rock faced off against Hulk Hogan, Icon versus Icon!

Needless to say, there is a good chance - a very good chance - that my son will attend many wrestling events with his father.

We'll see how this blog post goes over with my wife. HaHa!

Face To Face

My wife and I are mere weeks away from meeting our newborn son, Alexander Joseph.

All of the preparations are being made and finalized in anticipation of his arrival... well, the best laid plans of mice, men and Meg, anyway.

We're under no illusions, people. I'm sure that there will be plenty of surprises and shocking moments along the way, but we're doing our best to get ready for Lex.

Regardless, I just can't wait to meet our little man, see his little face (even that big Amsden-head), smell his skin, & hear his voice. (crying and all)

I remember when my first niece, Lydia, was born. My sister, Dawn, and her husband, Tim, would sit for hours upon hours and just study her beautiful little face. I fondly recall how Tim would just hold her close and press his lips against her tiny cheek, breathing her in and feeling her breathe. The world and all it's problems would fade from view as Tim was locked in this moment with his child. Face to Face.

I'm really looking forward to those moments with Lex. Amidst the crying, sleeplessness, dirty diapers, fevers, and everything that the "newborn" experience will hurl my way (yes, literally, "hurl"), I am looking forward to holding my son close, feeling him breathe, kissing his cheek, and communing with him. Face to Face.

I think this is what our Heavenly Father truly wants for us, his children. Amidst the chaos and tumult of our daily lives, He is holding us. When we think He is so far away from our hurts, our pains, our cries, He is right there, breathing on our skin. He longs for that communion, that closeness, where we can breathe Him in as He breathes on us. Our Father loves us, holds us, longs for closeness to us, and all we have to do is meet Him there. Face to Face.

I pray that you would fully experience the close, loving breath of your Heavenly Father!

PART 2 - Root Problem Or Fruit Problem?

(So, it's been a couple weeks since my last post, but I've been busy with another creative project that has had my full attention... but now, we're back, folks!)
ALL RIGHT! Let's get back into it!

There were some great comments on the last post (Is It A Root Problem Or A Fruit Problem?), and I think some of the thoughts expressed by others warrant another entry on this subject.

Let's explore the idea that, when looking at our cultural Root and Fruit Problems, we might just be dealing with an issue of "BOTH/AND", not necessarily, "EITHER/OR".

I'm not saying that we must be EITHER/OR when it comes to EITHER Personal Evangelism OR Social Reform. The focus of the Body of Christ should definitely be BOTH personal evangelism AND social reform, but what I'm saying is that we should prioritize our BOTH as well as our AND.

My point is that one naturally follows the other.

One of the commentors (Karen, love your thoughts!) from the last entry pointed out that "[she has] recently received some very thorough Biblical teaching on the Reformer’s Creed that leads [her] to believe we must do both at the same time. [my emphasis added]." (by the by, Karen, I've read that book too... it's quite good! And, the author is one of my personal favorites. HaHa!... I fully recommend it to anyone who wants to read THE REFORMER'S CREED.)

However, we're not talking about Personal Evangelism as merely getting people to have a "salvation experience." Certainly, Personal Evangelism is more than walkin' that aisle and sayin' that prayer... that would be naive and short-sighted to think that ye ole sinner's prayer (ie: just get their ticket punched) is a sufficient form of Personal Evangelism.

The Personal Evangelism promoted through the New Testament involves relationship, ministry, service to each other, discipleship, and training. It is being intimately involved in the lives of others, pointing them toward a Christ-centered, Spirit-driven relationship with the Father! It involves transforming lives so that one can be truly FREE, in the Biblical sense of the word, not in the American sense of democratic LIBERTY.

So back to the BOTH/AND.
Like I said above: one naturally follows the other.

True Personal Evangelism and discipleship will change a culture from the Bottom - Up. It starts at the lowest point of the culture, the individual. Personal Evangelism transforms individual lives, one by one, person to person. And when the individual people of a culture are transformed, then it naturally follows that the culture will be transformed. That's my point.

To restate what I said in the last post, "we are focused on the wrong thing if we think that the laws on the books will change people's hearts. Rather, we should focus on changing people's hearts first. Then, we will see the laws reflect the morality of the people."

And, the growth of Christianity through Personal Evangelism cannot be stopped, no matter what the natural governing authorities do to quell it.

Case in point: even as an outlawed minority, Christianity grew exponentially under the repressive hand of the Roman Empire, and not because Christians were a special interest lobby group in the Roman Senate. No! As Tertullian said, "the blood of the martyrs was the seed of the Church." The Church exploded in growth when it was persecuted - not when it was the State's officially-recognized, TopDown religious authority.

As a matter of fact, wasn't it around the time that Christianity became institutionalized by Constantine and when the "Church" became the leading political force that Europe entered a period commonly called, The Dark Ages... ??? (Sure, it can be argued that there had to be a period of deconstruction to wipe away the last vestiges of Roman dominance, but it is compelling to think that TopDown-politically-driven-Christianity was the major ruling force during that era.)

But I digress... my point is that, as Christians, our MAIN focus should be on reaching out to and discipling individual people rather than becoming a dominant political force. After all, what difference does our democractic system make to the souls of those who enter into Eternity separated from God?

Obviously, this topic is epic in scope, and I can barely touch on all the various sides of the argument in one blog entry, and I've already gone long enough on this one. So, perhaps we will have to continue on this topic some more later.

As always, I welcome any thoughts, comments, questions, suggestions, recommendations, etc. I even welcome you to say, "Dallas, you're crazy! What would your parents say?"
Much love to you all!